


The Taste Of Ink

by Caelys



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26288647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelys/pseuds/Caelys
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid
Relationships: John Shelby/Original Female Character(s), John Shelby/Reader, John Shelby/You
Kudos: 6





	The Taste Of Ink

**Author's Note:**

> This is something very short that yesterday came to my mind and I really wanted to write it asap.

_Hello Dear,_

_how have you been? It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? ~~Over 10 years.~~ Crazy how time flies._

_I know you won’t read this and maybe if I wasn’t the coward that I am maybe these words I’m writing would have mattered. Now it’s pointless but ~~I’m writing this as much for your sake as for mine~~ if never gave you this, I would have tortured myself until my last breath.   
_

_I’m writing this to say I’m sorry. Please accept my sincere apology for leaving like that 10 years ago.  
_

_I feel like I owe you an explanation, although it would never be enough. ~~I know I hurt you and now seeing you here, I’m hurt. And this hurts more than all those years of regrets.~~ But truth be told I was afraid. Terrified you’d never return home and when those letters stopped I thought the worst… I thought your body was lying in an unmarked grave in France. I didn’t wait to make sure. You were gone and so I decided to go too. I was sure that Small Heath wouldn’t be the same without you, and I was right.   
_

_When I found out you were alive ~~I was…~~ you were already married and it wasn’t my place to come back in your life. It was too late for us.  
_

_I know I’m rambling and my handwriting is unreadable, but it’s hard to write through tears, you know?_

_I loved you back then and I still do. ~~Maybe if I hadn’t left Birmingham things would be different.~~ But so does your wife. I met her and she’s lovely. She’s the best I would have hoped you’ll find.   
_

_I’m sorry for everything, my love. Everything I put you through. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe in another life I’ll make up for my mistakes and you’ll forgive me. Maybe we’ll get another chance. And this time I promise you I will wait for you. Doesn’t matter how long. I give you my pinky promise, just like when we were kids._

_Yours sincerely,_

_The girl who ran away.  
_

* * *

She finally found the strength to close the letter. Her hands covered in ink as much as the piece of paper they were holding. Still shaking, she kissed it one last time, her red lipstick staining the yellow paper just like blood. 

She kneel next to the cold stone, tracing each letter with her finger. As if she was waiting for something to happen, but the stone remained as cold and distant as it was seconds ago. She left the letter as well as the one lilac she carried. The same flower he gave her on their first date. The last thing she left John Shelby’s grave.


End file.
